How to Answer the Question "Where Are You REALLY From?"
If you're a minority professional, you've probably heard the question, "Where are you REALLY from?"—and if you're anything like me, it’s often a nerve-wracking experience. It's a question that can trigger feelings of being an outsider or "the Other," which makes it all the more challenging to answer in a way that feels both authentic and professional.
In this article, we're going to unpack why this question can feel so uncomfortable, how to reframe it, and provide a simple strategy to answer it while building a stronger connection with the person asking.
Why Does the Question "Where Are You REALLY From?" Feel So Triggering?
At its core, this question is often born from genuine curiosity, but the context in which it’s asked—especially in professional or personal settings—can make it feel uncomfortable. For many, it evokes feelings of being "othered" or alienated. It's connected to deeper issues of immigration, borders, and identity.
When people ask, "Where are you really from?" they’re not just asking about your geographic origins; they’re also questioning your place in the "us" category. As minorities, we want to belong to the group we’re a part of, not feel like we’re being interrogated.
Step-by-Step Guide to Navigating "Where Are You REALLY From?"
Step 1: Embrace the Question with Confidence
Rather than shrinking away from the question, lean into it. Answering confidently can shift the tone of the conversation and make it feel less like an interrogation.
For example, you can respond with something like: "I grew up in Dubai, my parents are Indian, and I moved to Montreal at the age of 19 for my studies. Now, I’m glad to call this city and country my home."
This response is not only clear but also presents your background in a positive light, showing that your diversity is a strength.
Step 2: Turn the Question Around to Build a Connection
Once you’ve shared your background, flip the question back to the person who asked it. You can say: "What about you? Are you from here, or did you move from somewhere else?"
This turns the conversation into a casual exchange about both of your histories, rather than making it feel like a one-sided discussion.
This simple shift helps you connect with the other person, often revealing surprising similarities in backgrounds and experiences. You may discover they have their own story about how they ended up where they are, and this shared understanding can form the basis for a stronger relationship.
Step 3: Practice Your Response
The more you practice answering this question in a relaxed and confident way, the easier it will become. Try practicing in front of a mirror or with family and friends until it feels natural.
By preparing yourself mentally, you’ll be able to confidently address this question and feel more authentic in your professional interactions.
Step 4: Look for Curiosity, Not Judgment
It’s easy to assume that people asking this question are doing so out of judgment, but most of the time, they’re just genuinely curious. Focus on this curiosity and look for opportunities to connect with the person.
It’s also important to note that some people may unknowingly stumble into stereotypes (such as asking about stereotypical foods like "butter chicken"). In these moments, embrace the humor and use it as a chance to make the conversation lighter.
Step 5: Be Your Authentic Self
Above all, never hide who you are. Trying to downplay your background only creates discomfort and awkwardness. Own your uniqueness and your diversity. By doing so, you invite others to appreciate your individuality and strength, and this, in turn, can transform how they see you and how you feel about yourself in the workplace.
Final Thoughts
The next time someone asks, "Where are you REALLY from?" don’t cringe. Embrace it as an opportunity to build a genuine connection. Share your story, turn the question back around, and allow your authenticity to shine through. Over time, this approach will not only make these conversations easier but will also position you as someone who is confident in their cultural identity—and can use that confidence to strengthen relationships at work.